Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Game of Thrones: The Laws of Gods and Men

Is it just me or ever since Joffrey's death, has Game of Thrones kind of stalled? I understand the chess pieces have to be put in their proper place, but it's been taking so long to move those pieces. Stannis is still broken and broke, Dany's still in the East, the Hound and Arya are still travelling, Theon is still a captive, and things have calmed down a lot in King's Landing. Dare I say, things were a little more interesting with the little bastard around? But thankfully, in The Laws of Gods and Men, those chess pieces are finally getting some major movement.

Note: I haven't read the books so any commentary I make is completely based on the show.

Braavosi Money Mutual

Ah, Braavos. How douchy of a place are you if you make everyone who comes to your city go between the legs of a giant statue? It's like you're getting tea-bagged every time you sail there. Anyway, ever since the Battle of Blackwater Bay, it's been all Stannis whining and Davos taking community college language classes. But now they're finally taking a step foward. Thanks to Davos and his brilliant skills of persuasion, the Iron Bank of Braavos loaned them the money despite being short on men and resources to feed them. Seriously. He just convinced the bank that the House whose unofficial motto is "A Lannister always pays his debts," wouldn't pay their debts. Davos just sold refrigerators to Eskimos.

Hot Tub Sex Machine

Wars are won with soldiers, and the first man Davos goes to is his pirate buddy Salladhor Saan. Saan and Bronn are the two guys with the best outlooks on life. Make money and have fun. They're not worried about the Iron Throne or furthering their lines. If more people behaved like these guys, there'd be a lot less stress in the Realm.

Greyjoy Team Six

If you're on watch, and you see a grappling hook on the wall you're supposedly guarding, would you just saunter over there and wonder, "Hmmm, what's going on here?" Or would you draw your sword and prepare to kill whoever or whatever came up because that's your job? So the award for worst guard ever goes to this idiot who allowed Yara and the Ironborn into the Dreadfort.

But I guess it didn't make much difference since the Ironborn made short work of everybody except for a shirtless Ramsay Snow. Seriously, is he that good at combat that he wouldn't get hurt at all not wearing any armor? With Theon completely brainwashed, Operation Eunuch Liberation went completely south and the Ironborn got chased away.

But Ramsay's got a plan. And his plan is to have Reek "pretend" to be Theon and infiltrate his former family. Man, can this guy get a sword thrust through his head soon?

I Got 212 Problems and a Burnt Goat is One

Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of her Name, the Unburnt, yada yada yada. Dany actually has a few more titles to her name, but if they recited them all, the series would be over. She's learning to be a Queen in Meereen, and her first duty is to throw money at a goat-herder who's lost his flock thanks to her hungry, hungry dragons. Wow, so like a spoiled rich girl, her first instinct is monetary compensation? Dany would not do well in the insurance business.

But the second request is much less expensive. At least monetarily. It would seem that one of the men she punished was against the crucifixion of the child slaves. So Dany is learning that her black and white view of justice is flawed. Another learning experience for her, and it looks like she'll have another 200 or so lessons that we were thankfully spared from watching.

Small Council Biz-ness

Looks like Dany is going to have another problem to deal with as Tywin is finally acting on her threat to the throne. And while Cersei dismissed her chances, Varys countered by listing Dany's assets as two seasoned veterans advising her and three dragons growing bigger every year. Varys has proven to be a dangerous enigma. His "little birds" can seemingly get him any kind of information, and they can apparently get themselves into anywhere. And he also confounded the usually perceptive Prince Oberyn throwing off his gay-dar. It would seem he doesn't have a complete lack of desire as he gazed longingly at the Iron Throne. Shiny!

If You're Accused of Killing a Brat, Demand a Trial by Combat

In quite possibly the most lopsided trial since the last episode of Seinfeld, the parade of people lining up to take a big stinking crap on Tyrion felt a little like this:

Ser Meryn Trant, Grand Maester Pycelle, and Cersei unshockingly had bad things to say about Tyrion. Even Varys who previously claimed he wouldn't forget what Tyrion did for the city took a big dump on him. But after a recess where Jaime made a "deal" with Tywin to leave the Kingsguard in order to spare Tyrion's life, it seemed like our favorite dwarf would get a reprieve at the Night's Watch. But the prosecution had one more card to play, and they probably overplayed their hand.

Surprise witness! Shae just threw Tyrion and Sansa under the horse carriage. But what's her motivation? Is this scorn? Did she really feel betrayed by Tyrion? Or was she paid off? Probably not. Is she being threatened? Possibly, but I doubt being threatened would sway her mind. Maybe she's actually part of the plan to save Tyrion's life by sending him to the Wall? Whatever the reason, it's screwed up since Tyrion was trying to save her life in the first place.

Shae's testimony was too much. It eviscerated Tyrion, and you could see the color drain from his face and be replaced by pure, unadulterated anger. Tyrion wasn't going to give this crowd and these judges what they wanted. With nothing left to lose, he let all the hatred he had for everyone out and rivaled Al Pacino's courtroom outburst.

Tyrion went back to the Season 1 well and demanded a trial by combat. Will Tyrion take up arms or will he have a champion? One-handed Jaime? Bronn? And who will the court champion be? Looking ahead on the episode list, it's not out of the realm of possibility that the Mountain gets called to be the court champion and Prince Oberyn volunteers to be Tyrion's.

In next week's preview, Daario asks to do what he does best, Stannis' wife looks into the fire, and Lysa goes cat-lady crazy on Sansa.

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