Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Game of Thrones: Two Swords

It's Game of Thrones time kiddies! Here are my nerdy views on the season 4 premiere, Two Swords.

Note: I haven't read the books so any commentary I make is completely based on the show.

Become Who You Were Born To Be

As if the Starks haven't been kicked to the curb enough, Lord Elrond, ahem Tywin Lannister had Ice, Ned Stark's sword melted down, and then presented the reforged blade to his son Jaime. With Jaime's "disability" it's entirely logical for Tywin to order his son back to Casterly Rock to rule in his stead, but Jaime isn't Aragorn. Jaime just wants to stay in King's Landing and protect the King, and more likely keep screwing his sister/lover. Just remember his last words in the pilot episode, "The things I do for love." Jaime's ego is writing checks his body can't cash.

Later on, Jaime got another gift from his perpetually day-drunk sister, a golden hand to make him whole again. I'm sure Jaime would have appreciated the gift more if it came with an extended middle finger so he could flip off all the Lannisters that are pissing him off.

Prince Oberyn Martell: Player & Debt Payer

There are already a ton of characters to keep track of, and now you want to introduce new ones?!? Oberyn Martell is charming, bisexual, and hates Lannisters because they killed his sister, niece, and nephew. Seems like a good reason. And Ellaria Sand is Oberyn's bastard lover. And just a tip. If you start hearing The Rains of Castamere at a party, leave the party. 

How to Tame Your Dragon

Dany's dragons are having growing pains. They're getting big and they're getting chippy. Maybe they're hitting their awkward teenage years. But that's not all that Dany is slowing losing control of. Two of her soldiers, Daario "New Face" Naharis & freed slave Grey Worm missed their morning appointment because they were busy gambling over who was more manly and could serve the Queen better. Their punishment? Back of the line with the livestock.

On their way to Meereen, the next slave city she plans to conquer, they found a little slave girl crucified. Part scarecrow warning, part trash talk. And there's one victim every mile for the next 163 miles to the city. Dany doesn't shy away from the horror. Instead, she uses it to fuel her anger. And you don't want to make somebody who has dragons angry. If I were a citizen of Meereen, I'd be really worried. 

What the Hell is Pigeon Pie?

You mean it's like chicken pot pie but with pigeon? Oh, okay, that doesn't sound so bad. Anyway, Sansa is just so sad! Somebody show her keyboard cat or something! I know she has the best of reasons to be sad considering what just happened to her mother and brother, but listen to Tyrion! Your mom wouldn't want you to starve yourself like you're doing. And your brother would definitely want you to rise up and be strong. I'll admit, kind of hard to do when you're married into the family that killed your kin, but still! Plus pigeon pie and lemon cake sounds delicious right about now.

Later on, Sansa actually has a tense scene. She's being followed! Who is it? Who is being so wily and stealthy? WTF?!? It's drunk Ser Dontos the fool?!? I had no idea being drunk could turn you into a ninja.

Shae's Jealousy

Insecure much Shae? She really doesn't understand how much danger she puts Tyrion in. Unfortunately, Cersei is about to find out.

Mmmm, Crow Arm Tastes Kinda Like Chicken

Back to Tormund Giantsbane and his ragtag group of wildlings. Ygritte is appropriately pissed over Jon Snow, and we're introduced to the Thenns. They're kind of the Delta Force of the wildlings. Oh yeah, and they're also cannibals and they can't shut up about eating.

The Trial of Jon Snow

Jon Snow got back to Castle Black only to be put on trial for killing Qhorin Halfhand and having sex with the enemy. Of course Jon's infiltration into the wildlings was an improvised covert operation, and no one on the council really trusts Jon since Jeor Mormont was killed. But thanks to Aemon Targaryen and his blind justice, Jon lives for now.

King's Landing: A History

While Jaime barks out guard formations, Joffrey still hasn't lost his douchebaggery. Going through the history of the Kingsguard, he completely blames his uncle for getting caught, losing his hand, and taunts his uncle for his lack of accomplishments. Joffrey makes it 3 out of 4 Lannisters to be complete tools to Jaime. Good thing Tyrion's busy with Prince Oberyn.  

Arya and the Hound : Perfect Strangers

Seriously, this is the oddest pairing, yet it works so well. The Hound needs Arya to trade for money, and Arya needs the Hound for protection. And what's most shocking is how Arya is becoming more and more cold-blooded, just like the Hound. 

The bloodcurdling fight played out without music so you could hear every sword clang and every face smash. And the climax was Arya stabbing Polliver through the throat exacting revenge for Lommy. It's a weird feeling cheering when a child commits murder, even if the man deserved it. But for their trouble, the Hound got his chicken and Arya finally got her horse, and it's the first bit of happiness she's had in a long time.

Since we spend so little time in each storyline, the show has a tendency to meander from point A to point B. But Game of Thrones does use its time wisely to advance the plot. So what did we learn this episode?

  • Jaime has a bruised ego, 
  • Tyrion & Shae are gonna be in trouble, 
  • Dany & her crew are headed to Meereen to emancipate some slaves, 
  • No one at Castle Black cares about White Walkers, 
  • the King's wedding is in a fortnight, 
  • and Prince Oberyn really hates Lannisters.

No comments:

Post a Comment