Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Game of Thrones: Breaker of Chains

My nerdy views on the Game of Thrones episode Breaker of Chains.

Note: I haven't read the books so any commentary I make is completely based on the show.

I'm Off the CSI Team

Breaker of Chains wasted no time poking holes in all of my theories as it picked up right where it left off last week, with Cersei calling for Tyrion's arrest and Ser Dontos fleeing with Sansa. As they fled to the Black Pearl, I half thought Captain Jack Sparrow would show up. Instead, it was Littlefinger!

I'll admit, I totally goofed not including Lord Petyr Baelish in my list of suspects. He's been absent for about 6 episodes so I just completely forgot about him. I thought I was thinking outside the box when I threw Stannis and Melisandre's names into the suspect ring. I apparently was not outside the box enough.

So was Baelish's plan to kill Joffrey and get Sansa out of there? It seems really extreme, and I'm still not entirely sure this is the case. We know Littlefinger's involved, and Dontos was a patsy. But I'm still not sure someone else isn't involved. And whomever that person is, are they in danger now too? And the rest of the episode did nothing but raise my suspicions on everyone.

And one last note. Baelish had this long standing crush on Lady Catelyn Stark. So with her dead, does he think Sansa is the next best thing? Creepy.

Lady Olenna Rationalizes

You know all that pontificating I did in my last post about Lady Olenna and her lack of motivation? I ended it with what I thought was a throwaway line; "maybe saving her granddaughter from a life of hell was better than the throne." And now here, she pretty much says the exact same thing. Why? Because there'll always be an uneasy alliance with the Lannisters, and there'll always be another king to marry. Lady Olenna, you just put yourself back in suspect-land.

Let's Play Family Feud!

Okay Tommen. We surveyed 100 people asking them what are the qualities that make a good king. Holiness? Justice? Strength? How about wisdom? Ding! Ding! Ding! The number one answer!

Tywin's matter of fact attitude towards Joffrey's murder and calling him a bad king just moved him back in to suspect-land. He admitted Joffrey was uncontrollable, and that Tommen would be a better king because he would have the sense to listen to his advisers, one of which is of course him. Can you say 'puppet government?' Good answer!

On to another kind of Family Feud. So that happened. Just in case you were starting to think Jaime Lannister was a good guy, we were reminded that he most certainly is not. It's a complete obliteration of any power Cersei had left. And really? In the presence of your dead nephew/son?!? At least Cersei knew this was wrong. And I know this is different from the books even though I haven't read them. You book-readers are really vocal when something happens differently. But even George R.R. Martin weighed in on the issue and understands why they changed the scene. 

Arya's a Dreamer, but the Hound's a Realist

Just when you start warming up to the Hound, you remember he's kind of an asshole. A family took you in and fed you because Arya was smart enough to improvise a story, and you essentially rob them because you think they won't survive the winter? Total dick move. 

Life is Tough at Castle Black. 

Their Lord Commander is dead, there are barely a 100 of them left, and oh yeah, an army of Wildlings is coming to get them. But Sam's biggest worry? Gilly, and those 100 men pining for her. It's sweet of him but there are other serious matters in play. So his solution is to take her to Mole's Town. This place looks like you could get a staph infection just by looking at it. Is Gilly really safer here? Or did Sam just push her out of the frying pan and into the fire?

Stannis is Pissy

Well if you were broke and had no army, you'd be pissy too.

Meanwhile Davos is learning how to correctly say night. It's all Sesame Street and faked loan requests here in Dragonstone, one of the most depressing places in all of Westeros. 

The Spanish Inquisition

So Dornish people know a lot about poisons? How is this not a bigger deal than people make it out to be? Sure Oberyn proclaimed his innocence, but how about Ellaria Sand, his lover?

Tywin asked Oberyn to be the third judge at Tyrion's trial in exchange for a spot on the king's Small Council and a meeting with the man who killed his sister. And that's how you play the game of politics. Tywin wants to unite the Seven Kingdoms and acknowledges the threats of the Greyjoys, the Wildlings, and Dany Targaryen. So let's face it. Tywin is probably the most qualified person to be king. But what is Tywin's game? Is he using Joffrey's murder to finally get rid of his own imp son, and thereby completely destroying whatever logic I put into rationalizing his thinking about his family? Man, I'm just a horrible judge of fake people of TV.

Tyrion Could Use Some Sentinels Right Now

I think this scene was a just a reminder that Tyrion is completely alone now. Sansa's in the wind, Bronn's being held under investigation, and Podrick is one of the last good people in King's Landing, and good people tend not to last too long. So Pod was sent away by Tyrion for his own good.

Tyrion also rationalized his own list of suspects, meaning everyone except Cersei. Wish I had this good sense. Maybe Tyrion deserves a spot on the CSI Game of Thrones spin-off. 

When Wildlings Attack

If you needed a reminder that Ygritte was a Wildling, here it is. And those Thenns, they're big, they're brutal, and they're bloody hungry. When the big dude let the kid go warn Castle Black, was anybody else reminded of when Tai Lung did the same thing in Kung Fu Panda? Okay, maybe it's just me then. 

When Did Khaleesi Get Catapults?

At the 50 minute mark, we finally find out why this episode was called Breaker of Chains. Khaleesi finally arrived at Meereen where it literally became a pissing match between the Meereen champion and Daario. Daario of course won because good, honorable people don't survive long in this world, and that's really the ultimate reminder this episode.

Dany catapulted the broken chains of her former slaves, and probably the ones from the crucified slave children over the walls of Meereen. And those rich bastards gave a look saying, oh crap, we messed with the wrong girl.

So what do you think? Is someone else in cahoots with Littlefinger? How screwed is Castle Black? How screwed are the slave owners? And when the hell is Oberyn gonna finally fight the Mountain?

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